


No Skeleton

by oh_no_what_plot



Series: We Are The Dregs [2]
Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Boneless Jesper, Dregs, Gangs, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, IT WAS FUN OK, Pre-Canon, Razorgulls, confusing unless you Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22071964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_no_what_plot/pseuds/oh_no_what_plot
Summary: "I don't know how his bones aren't broken," Dirix observed, also not far off. "That was quite a fall."And that was when it happened.The voice."Ha! Imagine thinking Jesper has bones."***Addressing that weird phase when the fandom was obsessed with the idea that Jesper had no bones...Yeah this won't end well
Series: We Are The Dregs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587319
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37
Collections: i'm in love with nina zenik





	No Skeleton

**Author's Note:**

> credit for this whole meme goes to dunyashas on tumblr, and that one anon ask

Sitting on the steps of the Slat, watching as some of the other Dregs showed off their skills in the middle of the open space before them, Pim hummed a tune to himself. He had been waiting for his friends slash colleagues to arrive so they could hang out as they usually did, but it seemed that they were especially late today. Just as he was about to give up and join the Dregs he had been eyeing for the past half an hour, he heard a familiar voice from down the street.

"Pim!" shouted Rotty, jogging up alone. "Thank Ghezen you're here! There's been an incident."

Pim rose and immediately followed his friend back through the Barrel and towards the a small crowd of Dregs. As he approached, he slowly realised that there was someone either injured or dead at the centre of the group.

"What happened?" he asked quietly, watching the people shift, still somehow blocking the person in the middle. "Who is it?"

Anika turned, looking disgruntled. "Jesper's done something dumb again. Tripped off a roof."

" _What?_ _How?_ "

"No clue. But it took out of the Razorgulls, and scared the rest off."

"I don't know how his bones aren't broken," Dirix observed, also not far off. "That was quite a fall."

And that was when it happened.

The voice.

"Ha! Imagine thinking Jesper has bones."

It was unclear where the voice had come from, or who exactly had spoken, but when Pim had turned around there was nobody there. His friends had seemingly heard it too, as they looked bewildered and terrified. It was a voice that was faintly familiar - so presumably a Dreg - and simultaneously unrecognisable, and one that would haunt them for months after.

"Who said that?" said Rotty, stepping closer to where the voice had been heard in order to see if the speaker was visible. "Hello?"

"What?" grunted a grumpy older Dreg, having mistaken Rotty's question as being directed at him.

"Uh, not you," Rotty said.

Meanwhile, Dirix was whispering something to himself, and Pim could just about make out snippets of confused swearing. Anika was making a mostly annoyed face at her friend, looking half a second away from slapping him to stop his rambling.

"What did that even mean?" Pim frowned. "He has bones, right?"

Dirix turned to him, eyes wild with the air of a conspiracy theorist. "He could be a Grisha! The kind that controls flesh."

"There are no Grisha that can animate bodies, far as I've heard," Anika said. "Are you guys actually buying this?"

"There's magic in this world," Rotty reasoned, having shaken off the older Dreg.

"Ghezen works in strange ways, Nikki," Dirix said, his voice hushed as he stared at the sky. "Strange, strange ways."

"What the-?" Anika began, but Pim cut in.

"It would explain why he never breaks any bones," he said. "I mean, even Kaz injured his leg."

Dirix turned to him with the enthusiasm of a conspiracy theorist. "Exactly! We have to ask him how he's hidden it for so long!"

"You're crazy," Anika said, but the other three were already pushing through the crowd to where Jesper was now getting to his feet with his usual grin. With a resigned sigh, she followed them, probably knowing that no matter what, she'd be associated with their antics. When Pim turned to give her a quizzical look, she explained, "You lot need damage control."

* * *

"Say that again," Jesper said, his expression a mixture of confusion and gleeful amusement.

Dirix looked around, checking that the crowd had cleared away, leaving only him, Rotty, Pim and a resigned looking Anika.

"What happened to your bones?" he whispered.

He watched closely as the dark-skinned young man shook his head and let out a small chuckle. "My bones?"

"We know the truth," Pim said. "Someone told us. _You don't have any bones_."

"Oh, Ghezen," Anika muttered, rolling her eyes. "I'm sorry about them, Jesper."

"No, no," Jesper said, a huge smile on his face. "They're absolutely right. I clearly have no bones."

The three boys gasped softly as the sharpshooter suddenly gave a suspiciously smooth wriggle, and Anika gave him a glare.

"Don't encourage them," she complained.

"It's all true!" Dirix yelped. He stared at Jesper in complete shock. "He truly is boneless!"

"No."

"Now, I must go to rest in my cocoon," Jesper said, before bowing with a flourish of his hat and walking away, his movements remarkably like a snake's. "Goodbye."

The four stared with various expressions ranging from irritation to wonder and awe. Pim found himself imagining Jesper curling up into a small ball and creating a cocoon around himself, and shook himself to stop the cursed image taking root.

It was, sadly, too late.

"Wow," Rotty said.

"Fascinating," Dirix commented.

"Give me death," Pim mumbled.

"You are all idiots," Anika said.

And with that, she left them to wallow in shock and horror.

**Author's Note:**

> This ended up far more cursed than I intended, and for that, I apologise.
> 
> Please comment any suggestions (especially if you've been in this fandom for a long time) or anything else! Kudos are appreciated (hint hint) but not needed, as apparently nothing will deter me from making these crack fics.


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